The World We Live In
by Starring Lady G
Summary: IYKag IYKAG When Kagome accidentally lets slip that her friends think she has a boyfriend, InuYasha is determined to find out who it is. Kagome can't tell him that it's him! What'll she do? The Answer: Don't ask me... I'm just the author...


Well, here it is, Carlie (a.k.a IY'snaughtygrl)! Your birthday fic is out, all 3,600 words of it! Enjoy!

* * *

"You look ridiculous, Kagome." A certain silver haired demon that we all know and love stated in a monotone voice, staring at her like she was crazy. 

"So sue me. It was Halloween yesterday." Growled Kagome in an irritated voice, "Stupid Yuki, dragging me to Hojo's Halloween party..." She muttered bitterly, then, imitating her friend's voice, "'Oh Kagome, you've got to go to Hojo's party! It'll give us some time to hang out together, not to mention get you away from that crazy boyfriend of your-" (1)

"Boyfriend? What boyfriend?" Inuyasha's head snapped up, "How come you've never told me about this 'boyfriend'?"

"Uh..." Kagome turned red. She couldn't tell him that she was talking about him! Oh yeah, that would go over _really_ well. She could imagine it now...

_Day dream sequence_

"Oh, InuYasha, I'm talking about you of course!" Kagome exclaims.

"What!" InuYasha yells, backing up, eye twitching.

"Y- you didn't know?" Kagome sobs, suddenly getting teary eyed, "Oh, InuYasha, how could you!" She yells, slapping him and running away sobbing.

_End day dream sequence_

Yeah, right. She would've at least said 'sit'!

Suddenly, InuYasha was in her face, "Where does he live?"

Kagome jumped and, before she could stop herself, stammered the first thing that came to her mind, "T- the mall!"

"C'mon." he snapped, catching hold of her wrist and dragging her behind him.

"Wait, InuYasha, stop!" she snapped back angrily, "You don't have any right to stick your nose in my business!"

"Yes I do! If that so called 'boyfriend' of yours interrupts the search for the Shikon Jewel Shards, we're screwed!" Oh yeah, InuYasha... I'm sure that's the real reason. I mean, it's not like you're _jealous_!

"Damn right!"

"Huh? What?"

"Nothing!" InuYasha snapped, then muttered, "Dang it, I need to learn to keep my big mouth _shut_."

"What?"

"DAMN IT!"

Commence the head-banging-against-the-nearest-streetlight-ing.

**CLANG!**

... Ow! Dat's _gotta_ hurt!

* * *

In truth, Kagome really _did _look ridiculous. She had slept in her costume, a brightly colored, nylon clown suit, and though it looked OK when it was fresh and just put on, now it was messed up, and her make up was running; instead of the bright circus clown look she had been going for, she ended up looking like one of those Clowns from Hell you see in horror movies. Her make-up made it so you could barely tell it was her, what with all the cover up and rouge, her clothes were wrinkled from where she slept in them, and her _wig_... well, let's just say the tie-dye afro wasn't pretty. 

All in all, it wasn't a sight for sore eyes.

Now imagine how InuYasha felt after coming to the present time to drag her off to the feudal era after staying up all night, fighting a demon. A big, ugly demon with big teeth and a knack for scaring Shippo that, had he not been fighting for his life, would have made InuYasha jealous.

And then he saw _her_. Like _that._

Did I mention it was ugly?

Yeah.

Trust me; I was scared just thinking of her.

* * *

"Whoa!" InuYasha stopped and stared. "What is _that?_" he asked incredulously. 

"The mall." Kagome answered, then added, "And try to behave while we're here. Be polite, OK?"

All the while, she was fidgeting nervously. InuYasha wasn't the only one staring; people were looking at him too. Hey, it wasn't every day you saw a white haired guy in a traditional red yukata with fluffy white doggie ears poking out of his head.

Besides, he was hot.

"WHAT?"

... You never heard that.

"Oh, but I did!"

Uh, heh heh... I was just joking, you know. Kagome, don't look at me like that! You're not supposed to associate with the n-

* * *

**wheeeeeeeep**

**Ahem.** We will have to pause this progr- book- story, due to the fact that our narrator has been mauled by an insane- uh, insanely jealous girlfriend- erm, shard hunter, and is now in the hospital for an undefined amount of time.

Sucks to be her, huh?

* * *

I'm back! Did you miss me? Huh? Huh? Did you? 

"Crap, G, why'd you have to get _her_ to be our narrator?"

Huh! I'm shocked that you would _say_ such a thing, InuYasha! I am deeply and truly, _truly_, hurt!

(JUST GET ON WITH THE BLOODY STORY BEFORE I TRULY HURT YOU ALL!)

Ahem, right, of course, on with the story, of course, yes... What's this story all about again?

(... I'm going to kill you.)

Err, right, anyway...

"How can you find your," InuYasha's face contorted into a sneer at this word, "_boyfriend_ in all these people?"

"Erm, well, you see, uh..." Kagome paused, looking around at the throngs of people surrounding them, "Err... We're in the wrong place!"

"No we're not."

Kagome looked at him, irritated, "How would you know?"

"Well, it might just be that gigantic sign hanging over the entrance that says 'Welcome to the Mall'. But you never know..." InuYasha answered sarcastically.

"Oh. That." Kagome stared blankly at the sign, as though it wasn't really there. "Well... he moved."

"No he didn't."

"He died."

"Like I'd believe that."

"He's been quarantined."

"Mm hmm."

Kagome sighed (fake), tears (fake) coming to her eyes. "Well, you see, it's, it's just..." She choked back a (fake) sob, "He dumped me!" She wailed (verily fakely), (I want you to guess what this is going to say) tears streaming from her eyes.

InuYasha sighed. "Uh, no. I don't think so."

Kagome sighed, all traces of her teary façade gone. "Dang. I thought I'd gotten you that time." Kagome snapped her fingers, disappointed.

InuYasha smirked, a smug turn of his lips that, for some odd reason that Kagome couldn't quite tell, made him seem incredibly handsome. "Tell me the truth."

"W-what?"

InuYasha took a step forward; Kagome backed away. "Tell me the truth, Kagome." He said, still advancing.

"I-I-" By now, Kagome was backed up against a wall.

"You don't have a boyfriend." InuYasha whispered in her ear, his warm breath tickling her cheek. "Face it. The only smell you have on you is m-"

"EEK! GET OFF HER, YOU PERVERT!"

"W-what? Argh!" InuYasha toppled to the ground as something heavy (A bag, maybe?) hit him on the head- _hard_.

"Pervert! Child molester! PEDOPHILE!"

"Mom-,"

"Shut up, Kagome, I know what I'm doing. HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY CHILD, ASSHOLE!" Ms. Higurashi screamed, continuing to pummel him on his head with her (unusually heavy) purse, "I'LL CALL THE POLICE! I'LL- I'LL- Oh, it's you, InuYasha."

"Uh..." InuYasha just lay on the floor, twitching profusely. "Do I... still have... all... my body parts?"

Ms Higurashi giggled, "Come on, silly, up off the floor! We have some errands to run, don't you know!" Happy, happy, joy, joy, she was all smiles and, uh... more smiles now.

"I... don't think... I can move..."

* * *

"NO WAY IN HELL! I AM _NOT_ WEARING _THAT_!" 

"Calm down, InuYasha, it's not that bad..."

"Like hell it isn't! Kagome, I will _kill_ you if you try to put that on me!"

"InuYasha..."

"... What?"

"Sit."

**CRASH!

* * *

**

"I hate you..." InuYasha growled, glaring at Kagome.

"Love you too, babe." Kagome said sarcastically (Sarcastic? Our Kagome? No!), and then pulled ahead of him to catch up with her mom.

InuYasha's pace slowed down as he stared wide-eyed at Kagome's retreating back, his face taking on the hue of an overripe tomato. "... Love me?"

"Hurry up, InuYasha!"

"What? Oh, um, coming..." InuYasha sped up his pace, a dazed look still in his eyes as he absentmindedly trailed after Kagome.

* * *

I'm guessing you might be wondering why InuYasha 'hates' Kagome. Let's take a look, shall we...? 

_Flashback_

Kagome looked at InuYasha thoughtfully, eyeing his clothes, his hair, his- Ack! Kagome, you pervert!- and his shoes (or lack thereof). "InuYasha, you need some new clothes."

"... What?" InuYasha stared at her, blinking.

"You heard me. You look so out of place in your yukata." Kagome said, "You need something that makes you look like you fit in."

"Oh? And what about you?" InuYasha retaliated, "You're a- a- um, a circus thingy!"

"InuYasha..."

"... What?" _Don't say the 's' word, don't say the 's' word, please, please, PLEASE don't say the 's' word!_

"It's called a clown."

"... I knew that."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"No, you did NOT."

"Yes, I did TOO."

"NO, you-,"

_'One night in Bangkok,  
__and the world's your oyster,_'

Kagome blinked, her surprise causing her to stop in the middle of sentence. What was that? Some weird English song?

_'The bars are temples,  
but the pearls ain't free'_

She looked around, trying to discern where the music (if you can call it that) was coming from.

_'You'll find a god in every golden cloister,  
and if you're lucky than that god's a... he!'_

"I CAN FEEL AN ANGEL SLIDING UP TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE-," whoever, or whatever, for that matter, was singing the song took a deep breath, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Macy, you baka! What the heck are you doing? Shut up!" A female voice, with a surprisingly growly quality, snapped angrily, sounding embarrassed. Two teenage girls turned the corner, chatting animatedly and with an excessive use of hand and arm gestures.

"Well you see, Carlie, I might know the answer to that question, but unfortunetly I'm not sober at the moment." Giggled the obviously lieing red headed girl (though blondish roots showed at the tip of her hair) named Macy.

"And I think you're dead." The growly voiced girl (previously named Carlie) said, "You're only 17 friggin' years old."

"Yeah, well, I spotted the bouncer a couple of drinks."

"Where'd you get the money? You could've used it on my birthday present!"

"He ended up paying for it." Macy said, "With my beautiful looks, who could say no to me?"

"I could."

"You're a girl." The red headed wannabe juvie considered this, "And you're not a lesbian."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, you are?" Macy blinked innocently, "I was under the impression you were straight. Though I did have my doubts..."

"DAMN STRAIGHT, I'M STRAIGHT!"

All the while Kagome had been staring at them, wondering what the heck could _possibly_ be wrong with these two crazy... uh, people?

"Not much a vocabulary, eh, Macy?"

Shut up, Carlie.

"No, sah, this bonnie lass does not sim to 'ave much o' a thing fo' words. Tea, miss?"

"... You don't have any tea."

"So?"

Anyway...

Carlie rolled her eyes and turned to look in a store window- and stopped. Her face was frozen in shock and her knuckles white. She looked-

"OHMIGOSH! IT'S A CLOWN AND A REALLY, REALLY CUTE DEMON!"

Or not. That works too.

"MR. CLOWN, MR. CLOWN! COME PLAY AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!" Carlie screeched happily, and ran over to glomp, not 'Mr. Clown', but InuYasha, the 'really, really cute demon'. "AND BRING HIM WITH YOU!"

"So you can strip for us!" Macy yelled, grinning.

Silence.

Dead silence.

Scary silence.

"Just... kidding?"

Kagome looked at them, startled (and secretly wishing InuYasha would strip; heck, she had a couple of dollars in her purse!), expecting InuYasha to shove her off and start yelling whatever obscenities popped into his head.

But he didn't.

In fact if you looked closely (really closely) he seemed to enjoy it (or it could've been an act. Really. I hope the fangirls don't kill me...). He patted her head (Carlie's eye twitched then, curiously. I wonder why... whistles innocently) and said, "That's nice. Maybe we will- who knows? And it's _Ms._ Clown."

Carlie squealed happily and, to Macy's utter amazement, promptly fainted.

Kagome had been standing there, watching as InuYasha amiably accepted himself being glomped by a- a- an overzealous (Hah! I do have a vocabulary!) fangirl and actually being nice to her. Far nicer than he usually was to her, in fact.

Suddenly, Kagome was very jealous. Being Kagome, though, she didn't recognize the emotion; hey, this was InuYasha we were talking about! She had no reason to feel jealous.

... Right?

* * *

"Argh! You loser, you need to stop eating so much. Ah! Don't do that! I'll drop you over the railing. I will!" A very aggravated Macy was currently dragging a very unconscious Carlie across the mall. Suddenly, Carlie woke up. 

"Ohmigosh! He was SO hot!"

And then she went bye-bye.

Again.

Macy sighed, "Typical."

* * *

Kagome walked stiffly next to InuYasha, making a point not to talk to him or even act like he existed. InuYasha walked next to her, a slightly puzzled expression on his face. "Kagome?" 

"..."

"Ka_go_me?" He asked again, putting an emphasis on the 'go'.

No answer.

"Hello?" He knocked gently on her head, "Anybody home?"

She glared at the ground ahead of her.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Hmph." She turned away.

InuYasha huffed, "You were the one that told me to be polite!"

"..."

"Did you want me to chop her head off with the Tetsusaiga or something?"

"No!"

"THEN WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?"

Kagome turned red. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL AT ME!"

"I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU!"

"YES, YOU- WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

The sales clerk that had tapped her on the shoulder raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Kagome turned bright red, "Um, I mean, what do you want?" she squeaked in a much softer voice.

"Shut up."

"Hey!" The clerk had already turned back into the store. "You don't have to be so rude..." she pouted.

"Do you want me to go chop off her head too?" drawled InuYasha from behind her. Kagome frowned at him, then glanced up at the sign and smiled evilly... or was that just his imagination?

I don't think so.

* * *

Inside the store practically everything was black; the bright, fluorescent colors thrown in made a startling contrast. 

InuYasha glanced around warily, "What is this place?"

Kagome, already beginning to pick out shirts and pants that she thought would fit him, smiled almost innocently.

Notice the 'almost'.

"This is a little place we like to call... Hot Topic."

Uh oh. Not good.

…at least not for InuYasha.

* * *

That's where it all began. The screaming, the fighting, the tears… 

And that was just the store clerks.

* * *

Red shirts, pink shirts, black shirts, blue shirts, white shirts, all with violent, cartoony pictures or sayings like 'I'm not deaf… I'M JUST IGNORING YOU'. 

And the pants; chains, leather, cloth, chain link, black and blue, black and yellow, black and whatever, but always black. Though personally I prefer him without them, Kagome seemed to want him to wear a pair. She's totally insane, if you ask me. In fact, some people seemed to agree with me; I quote:

"Eek! He's so cute!"

"He reminds me of someone I once saw on a cartoon…"

"Why'd she have to buy him pants? Or a shirt for that matter? Why? WHY?"

"The only way I'd want him to wear pants is if I could get in them!"

I'll give you two guesses as to who said the last one.

Ha ha. You give up! It's CARLIE!

And when they were done he had on…

His usual yukata.

…

Just kidding!

I'll leave it to your imagination…

(But I will tell you that the shirt was blue, tight, and said 'I have a really big sword' and had a picture of a, well, sword, and the pants were baggy and black with lot of chain and leather and he was wearing a hat to cover up his ears and the hat was light blue.)

(But that's all I'm saying.)

(Really.)

(Well, OK, he had a wristband.)

(It was black.)

(OK, IT WAS HAPPY BUNNY!)

(STOP TORTURING ME WITH YOUR INSISTENT PRYING AND POKING!)

* * *

Now we shall give you some... _entertainment... _while Kagome says 'I love you', IY blushes, etc., etc. 

Ah, the world we live in. Don't you just love it?

Not.

Well, actually, yes, but only because I got to see the look on InuYasha's face when he had to put on those clothes. InuYasha might've thought it wasn't funny (not that he cared anymore. Kagome said she loved him! Note to InuYasha: SHE WAS BEING SARCASTIC!), but I thought it was hilarious!

"Excuse me?"

Um... Just kidding? Don't hurt me!

"That's what I thought."

"Yeah, she wouldn't want you to use your _big sword_ on her."

Actually...

* * *

Now back to the present. 

InuYasha was still in La-La Land, Kagome was still acting like a badass, and Mama Higurashi was still lost in oblivion.

Wow, I'm shocked.

* * *

InuYasha stood outside what seemed like the thirtieth store. He was laden with bags from several stores; the one they were outside now was called 'Victoria's Secret'. He didn't get it. What was Victoria's secret? If it was in there, she wasn't keeping it very well. The place had too many windows and everybody was just walking in and out of there! Women... 

But one (named Kagome) did say she loved him...

"WE'RE DONE!" Exclaimed Ms. Higurashi smiling, a bright pink bag in her hand.

"Finally!" InuYasha muttered.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "We've only been in here four hours."

InuYasha ignored that. Only? She had to be insane! "What's Victoria's secret?"

"What?" Kagome blinked. "Victoria's Secret?" He was _not_ asking her this. No way. "Well, um, it's... you see... it's..."

Gosh, she had a pretty voice. And didn't she just look adorable when she was flustered?

"You were in there for forever; you must've figured it out!"

"What? Uh..."

Still pretty.

"It couldn't have been that hard! There were windows everywhere and everything was on display!"

"Uh... OH!" Realization dawned on her. Was it just me, or was that _steam_ coming out of her ears? Kind of like in a cartoon...

Oh, wait. Never mind.

Still looking good.

"Sit!"

**CRASH!**

And suddenly, she wanot so pretty.

* * *

By the time they were out of the mall InuYasha was almost over the 'sit' incident and still infatuated with Kagome, but slightly sulky over the whole thing. 

"I didn't do anything... mutter, mutter... not my fault... mutter... dumb reincarnated miko with stupid shard sensing powers... mutter, mutter..."

Kagome rolled her eyes; she was becoming exasperated with InuYasha's attitude. She had had to listen to it while walking through the mall and now while walking to the car, and judging from the distance her mom had parked from the mall, a slug could do a marathon faster. "InuYasha, you're going to drive me crazy! If you don't be quiet I'll use sit on-,"

**Crash!**

Kagome gasped, "Ohmigosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to actually _say_ sit-,"

**Crash!**

"Oh, sit!"

**Crash!**

"Oops! I mean, oh, shit."

InuYasha glared at her. Kagome shifted nervously under his gaze. "I didn't use sit!"

**Crash! Crack.**

"Oh, crap! You broke the asphalt!

InuYasha struggled to sit up and yelled, "_I_ broke the asphalt? _I_- as in _me_- _I_ broke the asphalt?"

"Don't yell at me! It was an accident!"

"An accident?" Inuyasha, livid, barked, "AN ACCIDENT?"

Kagome turned red with anger. It _was_ an accident! "Yes, an ak-sit-dent!"

**Crash!**

"Kagome..."

Kagome laughed nervously, realizing what she had done, "Uh... That was an accident too!" InuYasha's eye was starting to twitch… creepy... "C'mon, let's go! Mom's already at the car!" She grabbed his hand and helped him up quickly, and surprisingly gently, then ran toward the car, still holding his hand. InuYasha stared at it as they ran, his anger slowly receding. After all that, her 'accidentally' (like he believed that) saying sit about fifty times, almost killing his back, and the simple act of holding her hand calmed him that easily? It was crazy.

Hm... maybe she was wearing 'Ode de Ramen'... He sniffed. Nope. Dang, he thought he had her there!

_Maybe... _he thought,_ Maybe I like her..._

_Hell,_ he realized, slightly scary thought occurring to him._ I think I even _love_ her.

* * *

_

Kagome walked nervously behind InuYasha as they walked toward the well. It was near night; they had just gotten home. He hadn't said a single word to her the whole way back, and she was starting to thing he was still mad at her. She really was sorry... Was he hurt? Oh no! She became worried; that thought hadn't even occurred to her! She was so stupid... "Um, InuYasha? Are you OK? I'm sorry if I hurt you... It really was an acci-,"

And suddenly, before she had time to react, he turned around and kissed her. She froze. It was a soft, sweet kiss, surprisingly tender; not what she would expect from InuYasha. Millions of emotions ran through her mind; she was scared, shocked, happy, sad, mad-

Then she realized she liked it. To her own surprise, she began to kiss him back, just as softly as he kissed her, afraid he would run off and go back to the feudal area if she was too aggressive. He wrapped his arms around her; she could feel him smiling against her lips. He was warm, and the feeling of his body against hers was comfortable; it made her a little excited. He was kissing her, and it was... well, it was wonderful.

Suddenly, and all too soon for her taste, he broke away. "Um, uh, yeah. I've got to go back… to the... thingy... and... uh…"

Kagome jumped, blushing furiously. "Oh, um... right, the feudal, uh, thingy, uh..." InuYasha backed up, slowly turning into a bright, cherry red. Kagome watched him, standing there stupidly, her skin turning such a red that tomatoes everywhere would envy her for years. "Uh… say hi to kiss- I mean, Kaede!"

And with an ever so eloquent parting ("Bye!"), InuYasha, now a rather interesting shade of maroon, fled down the well.

Kagome stared at the place where InuYasha had previously been standing. "What the _hell_ just happened?"

* * *

W00t! I'm finally done! It only took me a year, but... 

BTW, there's a sequel coming out! Hopefully soon, I'll have IYsnaughtygrl's second birthday fic out! I down know when, but it'll hopefully be out before next year. O.o It'll have a happy ending, and it'll probably be WAY sappier than this one!

Love,

Starring Lady G

P.S. Happy birthday, naughtygrl!

(1) For those of you who don't know, Kagome's friends think that InuYasha is her crazy, obsessed, jealous stalker boyfriend. And to think, this is who thousands of fangirls want to be with. Ah, the world we live in...


End file.
